A healthy sex drive is an essential aspect of overall well-being for women. This is probably my favorite subject to talk about because NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT. To be honest, there is no secret one answer that will "fix" your sex drive, but there are small improvements you can make every day that will help amp it up.
Many factors, including stress, hormonal changes, lifestyle choices, boring sex life, etc can all negatively impact libido.
Based on research and working with women, I'd say these are my top 3 pieces of advice...
1. ADD MORE PLEASURE INTO YOUR EVERY DAY.
I've said this multiple times on my social platforms, and I'm here to shift the way we think about pleasure. We live in a PLEASURE DEPRIVED society. I'm not even talking about sex & orgasms here. I'm talking about healthy things you do every day that brings you pleasure. Sitting on your porch drinking a hot cup of tea or coffee, walking in nature and appreciating all that's around you, taking a bath while lighting some candles, reading a book on your porch, getting regular massages, making some art! We are so deprived of pleasure we are looking for it in UNHEALTHY ways - eating sugar, indulging in too much food, being on our phones for hours, drinking too much alcohol. Yes, those release dopamine in the brain, but it is short lived and doesn't make you feel good (or sexy) afterwards.
So, how can you find more enjoyment in everyday things IN A HEALTHY WAY? This is where it all starts. You need to be turned on in life if you want to be turned on in the bedroom.
The more pleasure you experience throughout the day, those sex neurochemicals are firing. Serotonin, dopamine, all those happy hormones are released, which is exactly what we want.
Now do you see the benefits of adding self-pleasure (as in using a vibrator) to your daily routine? Touching yourself & turning yourself on releases those happy hormones too. Plus, you need to be turned on by yourself FIRST. If you can’t turn yourself on, how is anyone else going to turn you on? We are all responsible for own pleasure.
Let's crush the old wives tale that says you "only have so many orgasms in your bank." NO. The more orgasms you have, the more orgasms you will continue to have because the more sex chemicals you have flowing throughout your body!!
Instead of hating the fact that you have to work in the morning, you could light some candles, get a glass of wine, play some music, grab your vibe, wear a sexy outfit, etc. Whatever makes you feel sexy and there is more pleasure in the activity... that is key.
2. MANAGE YOUR STRESS
I know, this one sounds super cliche. Everyone tells you to "manage your stress". But no seriously, stress is killing your sex drive. Let me explain how your body works...
First of all, stress can come from a number of things - from being a mom and running around all day, work pressures, trying to balance home/work/relationships/being a mom, physical stress on the body from an injury, or from not eating enough (a lot of women aren't eating enough bc they are running around all day), or from over training and not eating enough to support their workouts, emotional stress, grief, etc. THERE ARE SO MANY FACTORS.
When stress in the body occurs, our Cortisol hormone is released, which in turns signals to the body that we are in danger and puts our body into "survival mode". When our body is in survival mode, it doesn't care if we can digest food, doesn't care if we have a functioning immune system, doesn't care if we a have sex drive. Those are all "bonus" systems in the body. It only cares about the important things.
Until you regulate your body & bring it back to an unstressed state, your hormones will be out of whack, you can't lose weight, you"ll probably be bloated all the time, you'll probably have painful periods and you definitely won't have a sex drive. Just to name a few symptoms.
So seriously - manage your stress. FIND TIME FOR YOU. To breathe, to walk in nature, to eat the right foods, exercise, and to do the things mentioned above. Add pleasure to your life (because all of that brings your cortisol levels down). Studies show that 25% of our day should consist of pleasurable activities. Does yours?
3. IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, COMMUNICATE & CHANGE THINGS UP WITH YOUR PARTNER.
This one is super important. If your sex routine is mundane, same ol' thing, you mainly pleasuring them (because women tend to be people pleasers), then OF COURSE you aren't going to have much desire to be sexual when you hit the bed.
First, figure out what TURNS YOU ON. You must know your turn ons and turn offs CLEARLY so that you can communicate that to your partner. Really get clear on your fantasies, what you would like to do, what you are open to do. I also highly recommend checking out the videos on my social media pages for tips on how to incorporate toys into the bedroom & my free guides on this website for ideas to spice it up.
Opening up with your partner and communicating will not only bring you closer in the bedroom, but that will roll over and help with communication outside of the bedroom too.
In conclusion, there are so many factors that influence your libido, but in my opinion these are the 3 biggest ones that most women can relate to. So let's start here. Implement those and you'll be well on your way to having great sex, feeling less fatigue during the day, having better relationships and actually loving life!
Stay tuned this week for more blog posts & videos on Libido & Female Pleasure. This topic is my jam <3
xo, Jaimie