Sex toys are the new thing these days. Society is SLOWLY accepting the use of vibrators and female pleasure. So it's no wonder you can grab one right off the shelf at your local store.
So, how do you incorporate a toy into sex with your partner? And why would you want to add a toy anyways? Let get down to it...
HOW TO BRING IT UP TO YOUR PARTNER
Some partners are very much down to use toys in the bedroom. Others may feel a little nervous, especially if your communication around sex isn't the greatest.
To bring it up to your partner, I recommend saying something like this:
I love it when we try new things during sex. Would you ever be open to trying a toy together? One that would give both of us a lot of pleasure?
If this feels awkward and intimidating, that's ok and completely normal. Here are the BIG 3 things to I recommend when communicating:
1. Timing - Pick the right time to discuss your sex life with you partner, and make sure it’s not when either of you is feeling cranky, hungry, tired, or stressed. Instead, you want to strive for a time when you’re feeling relaxed, energized, and at ease.
2. While it may seem counter-intuitive, the bedroom is not the best place to talk about love and sex. Instead, opt for a more neutral space, like the living room couch, at the kitchen table over Saturday morning coffee, or while on a walk.
3. Tone - Lead with curiosity and compassion rather than blame or criticism. For example, if you’re bringing up a new fantasy you’d like to try, ask your partner what turns them on. Tell them what you’re enjoying about your sex life, and how’d you like to expand.
It would be IDEAL if your partner said "YES!" to trying new toys. But if they don't, THAT'S OK. You have planted the seed now, and can revisit later. Sometimes, a partner has to acclimate to talking about sex, before they can collaborate with you on it.
TOY OPTIONS
As for the toys, you basically have two categories: solo sex vibes or partner vibes.
Two different types of partner vibes - The C-Ring, which slides down the shaft and rests at the base of the penis. Or a C shaped toy, with one side tucked inside a vulva owner, which helps massage the very sensitive, very orgasmic internal walls. I'm a huge fan of Double Feature, a C-Ring that he wears and turns in shaft into a human "vibe". During penetration it will also vibe against her clitoris.
Twilight Mood is also great. This toy bends in half and can be tucked inside of a vulva owner. A penis owner can enter, and feel the vibrations all along their shaft…which, PS, feels incredible penis owners if you haven’t tried it already.
Now, a little side note - this is very stimulating for a penis owner! Perhaps too stimulating, for some. If you’re a penis owner who wants a more control over their orgasm, apply some delay gel beforehand: Up All Night
TIME TO PLAY WITH YOUR PARTNER
While partner vibes are fairly straightforward – just put it on and have fun – other toy options allow for experimentation. Here are some ideas to try:
Nipple Play: Turn on the toy to a low setting, and graze their nipples with it while you make out. Let your other hand wander!
Inner Thighs: Use the toy as a tease, and brush it along their inner thighs while you warm up to oral sex.
During Intercourse: If you are a vulva owner, try some "facing away" positions like spooning or doggy style, so that you can still access your clitoris during penetration.
How about Anal?: First, make sure you absolutely use the right anal toy. But once you've got one, this is such an incredible option for penis owners especially during penetration. Their prostate is stimulated from the toy, while sex itself is happening. This can lead to potential, explosive, blended orgasms. YOU'RE WELCOME.
BENEFITS OF TOYS DURING PARTNERED SEX
It doesn't matter if you are a penis or vulva owner, sex toys can be an absolutely amazing way to experience more pleasure together, to experiment with each other, and to help vulva owners orgasm during intercourse.
Sex toys ARE NOT replacements, they are simply ADDING to the pleasure. And that's the goal here right? PLEASURE for everyone. It shouldn't matter how we get there. The vibration of the toys simply stimulate nerve endings deeper than a hand (pr penis or finger) can reach. For vulva owners, that's a huge bonus.
For penis owners, there's a whole world of pleasure out there that they may not have tried yet (cough prostate play cough). In this way, toys can be an assist to an already great sex life.
The key here is EXPERIMENTATION and creativity. We all have erogenous zones, all over our body. it may take some time to normalize the sound of a buzz buzz, but once you try them, these things can unlock so much fun, collaboration and bring you and your partner every closer. When you have a good sex life, the great of your relationship follows.
Let me know if this helped! If you want more help on choosing which sex toy is right for you and your partner, send me a message using the chat icon on this website!
XO Your Libido & Relationship Bestie,
Jaimie